QUOTES TO LIVE BY AT WORK

 

I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.

 

85% of the worlds work is done by people who don't feel very well - Winston Churchill

 

Due to the constant fluctuation in customer personalities, we cannot be responsible for the mental stability of any one member of our staff. (Seen in a gas station in Toronto, Ontario, Canada)

 

It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're working with turkeys. - Jerry Dey

 

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

 

Remember there's no I in team... (but there is an M and an E)

 

That's Bill for ya, always sharpening his sleeping skills...

 

Where the needs of the world and your talents cross, there lies your vocation. - Aristotle

 

A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five!

 

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

 

A commuter is one who never knows how a movie ends because he has to leave early to catch a train to get him back to the country in time to catch a train to bring him back to the city.

 

A company is known by the people it keeps.

 

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

A morning without coffee is like something without something else.

 

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

 

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

 

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

 

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

 

After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

 

Another month ends. All targets met. All systems working. All customers satisfied. All staff eagerly enthusiastic. All pigs fed and ready to fly.

 

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. - Ashleigh Brilliant

 

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

 

Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

 

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

 

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

 

Every time I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends me a shovel.

 

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

 

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like a slacker.

 

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.

 

Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a chance?

 

Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!

 

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

 

I don't mind the rat race but I could do with a little more cheese.

 

I have no axe to grind, but I have an ivory letter opener that could use some sharpening.

 

I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.

 

I love the "swooshing" sound deadlines make as they go by.

 

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

 

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

 

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

 

I've got to get back to work. When I stop rowing, the slave ship just goes in circles.

 

If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.

 

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

If you're the low man on the totem pole, just remember that if it wasn't for you the damn thing would fall over.

 

Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est - Never let the bastards grind you down!

 

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

 

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

 

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

 

Never use the words 'Evil Diabolical Plan' on your resume.

 

Nobody notices what I do until I don't do it.

 

Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

 

Note on a door: Out to lunch... if not back by five, out for dinner also.

 

Of course I don't look busy.....I did it right the first time!

 

People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.

 

Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

 

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

 

Quitters never win, and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots.

 

Quote from the Boss: I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

 

REAL procrastination is watching a hungry bear walk up to you while having a picnic, and not running because hey, you've got the rest of your life.

 

Save time... see it my way.

 

Someday it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...

 

Sorry - yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

 

Sorry I'm late, I'll leave early to make up for it.

 

Teamwork means: A lot of mindless idiots doing exactly what the boss says!

 

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

 

The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.

 

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at a time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. Since you have arrived sixth in line to RIDE MY ASS today, please take a number and WAIT YOUR TURN!

 

The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

 

The only problem with mornings is that they happen too early in the day.

 

The problem with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

 

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

 

The trouble with work is... it's so daily.

 

The world is full of willing people -- some willing to work and some willing to let them. - Robert Frost.

 

There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

 

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

 

There ought to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning.

 

They can't fire me. Slaves have to be sold.

 

They say the pen is mightier than the sword (if you miss a deadline, you'd better bring the sword).

 

Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and recorded every day like those of a baseball player.

 

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 

Those that make the rules don't play the game!

 

Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and...

 

Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several have attacked me at once...-A.Brilliant

 

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

 

Work hard for eight hours a day, and eventually you may become a boss and be able to work twelve.

 

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so save some for tomorrow.

 

You can name your own salary here - I like to call mine Fred.